Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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