i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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