Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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