I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
