eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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