I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
