Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
