You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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