The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
honey bunches of taint.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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