FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
