I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
