He asked to "fluff my boner.."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
