I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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