my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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