take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
