dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
