you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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