You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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