4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
