yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
