I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
