So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
