everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
