if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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