I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize