A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
