Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
