I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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