Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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