and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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