Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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