I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
