Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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