I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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