I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
