The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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