I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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