I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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