He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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