i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
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