Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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