Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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