im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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