I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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