What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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