I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
