I heard we made out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
