someone owes me an orgasm
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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