I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
