Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
