Apparently you make a good broom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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