Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
