I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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