I think my fart just growled at me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
