What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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