I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
