I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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