Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Say something about gay babies.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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