I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
