do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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