My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.