She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank