dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"