I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads