You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"