if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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