I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
