I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
