apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
