Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
barbara walters just said penis...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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