Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
