I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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