I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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