Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
