id be glad to
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
